Justin Schmidt felt all three of these - and 147 other horrible, burning sensations - after a dedicated life-long career devoted to insects.
On numerous fieldwork trips, The University of Arizona entomologist would find himself digging up living colonies of creatures, who in turn were not happy with this destructive human scooping them into bags - and promptly sank their fangs, stingers or pincers into him.
Still, no pain, no gain, and Schmidt turned his experiences into the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, ranking 78 species in a list which, while subjective, was put together by the man who must surely know best, ranking their pain on a scale of 1 to 4.
COUNTDOWN OF THE TOP 10 STINGERS: HOW SCHMIDT RATED THE PAIN
10) SWEAT BEE
9) FIRE ANT
SCHMIDT SAYS: Sharp, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet and reaching for the light switch.
8) BULLHORN ACACIA ANT
SCHMIDT SAYS: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
7) BALD-FACED HORNET
RATING: 2.0
SCHMIDT SAYS: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.6) YELLOWJACKET
RATING: 2.0
SCHMIDT SAYS: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
SCHMIDT SAYS: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
5) HONEYBEE
RATING: 2.0
SCHMIDT SAYS: The sensation is like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
SCHMIDT SAYS: The sensation is like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
4) RED HARVESTER ANT
RATING: 3.0
SCHMIDT SAYS: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
SCHMIDT SAYS: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
3) PAPER WASP
RATING: 3.0
SCHMIDT SAYS: Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
SCHMIDT SAYS: Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
2) TARANTULA HAWK
RATING: 4.0
SCHMIDT SAYS: Blinding, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
SCHMIDT SAYS: Blinding, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
KING OF THE STINGS: BULLET ANT
RATING: 4+
SCHMIDT SAYS: Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail grinding into your heel.
SCHMIDT SAYS: Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail grinding into your heel.
According to io9, entomologist May Berenbaum described Schmidt's char as: 'A scale from 0 to 4, in which 0 was defined as the sensation of being stung by an insect that cannot penetrate human skin to 2, a familiar intermediate pain (honey bee), to 4, an intensely painful sting.'
THE PAIN OF THE BULLET ANT
The bullet ant, otherwise known as 'paraponera' or the 'giant hunting ant', has a powerful sting that can last for 24 hours.
Some victims have likened the pain to 'being shot with a bullet'.
Luckily for most readers, the ant colonies can only be found in the rainforests of Central America, between Nicaragua and Paraguay. The locals there sometimes use the bites as part of their initiation rites.
It gets worse - the locals weave the ants, which can grow to be an inch long, into clothes made out of leaves, and initiates have to wear the jackets for ten minutes.
The locals will get stung hundreds of times - and reportedly have to repeat the act 20 times.
Some victims have likened the pain to 'being shot with a bullet'.
Luckily for most readers, the ant colonies can only be found in the rainforests of Central America, between Nicaragua and Paraguay. The locals there sometimes use the bites as part of their initiation rites.
It gets worse - the locals weave the ants, which can grow to be an inch long, into clothes made out of leaves, and initiates have to wear the jackets for ten minutes.
The locals will get stung hundreds of times - and reportedly have to repeat the act 20 times.
FIrstly, Schmidt said that the more painful a sting felt, the more aggressive the species tended to be.
And, adding further insult injury, some creatures would also release a pheromone with their sting - telling other insects to join in the fun and give more stings to the victim.
If that has still not put you off a sting, io9 reported how the stingers affected our bodies.
'First, enzymes soften, then burst open cellular membranes. Some of these cells, inevitably, will be nerve cells. Wrecking these cells screws up all the electrochemical signaling that nerve cells do, so they end up firing off signals more or less at random.
'Other chemicals restrict blood flow, keeping the pain-causing stuff undiluted and in one place.'
Luckily, most of us will hopefully go through life with little more than the odd sting from a passing wasp or defensive bee - but spare a thought for Schmidt, who is bravely sacrificing his body in the name of science.
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